im gonna write now.

hey people. i sort of realised that my friends have been blogging in a real way. writing things, writing about their lives, what’s going on, their struggles and I realised…my blog is lacking in that aspect. I want to remedy this. I love my blog, I think its fun and entertaining but when it comes to substance, it is without.

So…what should I talk about. Hmmm…. Well, I’m back in Knoxville. I never thought I would be happy to say that but I am. I’m trying something new in my life. I’m trying to be realistic and sensible. This translates into choosing to be in Knoxville for the foreseeable future. Which for me really means maybe a year but still thats a lot for me. Anyway, I just think the right thing for me to do is be around my friends and my family and work. Get a job and get my life together. I need a salary, I need to gain financial independence from my parents and I need to learn how to take care of myself and my future and stand on my own without stumbling.

I believe the way for me to do that is to stay here, in Knoxville, and do that. Maybe a year, maybe two. Hopefully after that, I will be able to afford to live somewhere and work somewhere like Manhattan. London is always in the back of my mind (sometimes its the only thing I can see) but again rational, reality and sense are keeping me from trying to attain London for the next few years at least.

So that’s why I’m in Knoxville. Sounds dull but I guess dull is what I need to be so that in five years I can be wild and exciting and crazy. I know its not exactly the way to live but I just feel like I don’t have another choice.

Pros about Knoxville: My parents are here, I like being around them not all the time but its nice most of the time. My living situtation is awesome. Living with lindsay is great. FUN! and hopefully this new girl Leah will move in and we can stay in the condo and have even more FUN! Living in the same place as Amy is AWESOME. I missed her more than anything when I moved to Asheville and being able to hang out whenever is too amazing for words. I like knoxville too, its familiar and safe and i like that.

Cons about Knoxville: boys, not enough of the guys I like. it bums me out and bores me. but maybe im just looking in the wrong places. maybe i need to go to the pilot light more. ill try that. knoxville is a bit of the same old same old. you cant escape your past. its always walking through the bar door every friday night. there is no hiding in knoxville. I dont like that, because sometimes, a lot, I want to hide. Lastly, my city girl heart aches in knoxville, the void just doesn’t get filled. I need to go to atlanta or nashville or charlotte soon just to hold me over for a bit.

Well I think this is long enough, anyone who made it through to this point. THANK YOU! you’re awesome.

hope to blog like this again soon. maybe a video blog next time.

stay tuned

love you guys.