He has called Me by name.

A lot of things have occurred in the last month of my life. Things that sort of turned my life upside down. In about 5 different aspects and/or relationships I have come to a standstill. I'm not going to go into detail because honestly, none of that matters. Not that I don't care about it. I do care, deeply.

But I have realized something through all of the mess. That I have been living my life unfair to myself, unfair to the people around me and most importantly, unfair to my relationship with Jesus. I have placed the responsibility of God's promises on other people and things in my life, like work or friends or even family.

The point is, no one can live up to those standards and neither can I. I have put too much of my hope into work or success or friendships or family. When, in fact, my hope can only be in Jesus. (Just to clarify, I am speaking of myself. and not onto anyone else's beliefs or life. Im only commenting on my own heart.) I have hurt myself and those around me by misplacing my hope and commitment.

I realize now that I was also trying to be too much for too many people. I cant take on that responsibility. I can only be a good friend. But i need my boundaries. Because when I don't have them I get spread too thin and too much depends on me. I'm human, I'm not capable of being the perfect friend or the perfect employee or the perfect artist. I have placed it on myself and that is a mistake.

I need to put up boundaries in every aspect of my life. I need to do what is right for me. I need to take care of myself. In the past few months, I have completely lost who I am dealing with everyone and everything else that is beyond my control. This has been brewing for years but over the last few months I have completely
lost control.

I realize now, that what is fundamental to me, what I need most in this world is a relationship with Jesus. Its the only thing I can count on. Its the only thing that will make me feel truly safe, truly loved, and truly unique.

So that's what I will be working on. My spiritual life. And in other aspects giving myself a rest. I hope anyone who reads this understands and if you want to talk to me about it more deeply, then cool.

I have seen my God and He has called Me by name.

pictures i adore. random

cant explain it.

i absolutely love this man and this picture is one of my favorites. cant explain it.